Anyone else create alter ego(s) based on their certain moods, emotions, and personality traits? It can't just be me!?
Not only do I have them for myself personally, but any time I'm reading a book, day dreaming, trying to imagine the "bigger picture"; right down to what I think of before I go to sleep, I assign characters. Depending what story I want to tell myself at that moment, I will assign a celebrity, or their character from a show or movie, that embodies the traits and characteristics that I'm trying to imagine, or manifest. I need the full visual. I always need the full visual!
Why Am I Like This?!
I watched, and loved, a lot of movies growing up. Still do. I speak fluently in gifs, movie quotes, and pop culture references, it's one of my love languages. Friends and family don't call me a human imDb for nothing (internet movie database). I like to watch behind the scenes footage and read trivia about the cast and the making of the movie to see what fun facts I can learn, and share. I'm a Snapple cap of random pop culture trivia, a skill that I've been perfecting my entire life, and yet still can't use on my resume!
Honestly I would've crushed it as a casting coordinator lol.
I always did have a dream of working in the entertainment industry somehow, but it's ok, I entertain myself.
I happen to be an only child too, so I was basically my own company a lot of the time. I learned that when I'm not able to physically talk to another person, I can just talk to myself instead. Good thing I like me. I joke that I sometimes wish my brain would kindly stfu, but I really do get a kick out of myself. I can be quite entertaining!
Side note: I'm curious, when (and IF) you do talk to yourself in your head, whose voice do you hear? I stressed the 'if' because fun fact, not everyone hears a voice or has the ability to hold random conversations in their head. Ha, what's that like?
Journaling definitely helps. I hadn't realized how much I'd missed writing, let alone how much shit was trying to get out of my head! But I wanted, maybe even needed, another way to release the plethora of thoughts and feelings constantly bouncing around in my body. A way to brainstorm them, even if it's just to myself, but without feeling like I'm talking to just myself. This led me to think of characters and situations from movies and tv shows that I found relatable. For me, when I can relate to a character, it's easier to emulate their qualities.
Ok, think of all your favorite characters in the tv shows and movies you watch. Or even characters you know in real life. What do you like about them, what draws you to them? Do any of them have a trait that you envy, or maybe one you also see in yourself? Some personas, real or imaginary, can be so magnetic you can't help but feel a gravitational pull to search for a connection of sorts, some relatability.
Sounds so normal right lol? Please tell me you can sense sarcasm. The more I re-read this entry and try to hear myself explain it, I just keep picturing the looks some of you probably have on your face! Has me cackling. I don't like the word 'crazy', but that's probably how I sound. I'm quite lucid I assure you! Just the works of an overly vivid imagination! Welcome to my mind, it's a cluster fuck of random and weird.
I've accepted I'm not just any one thing. I don't fit just any one box. There are so many different layers of 'weird' that make me who I am and how I see and express myself. I've finally given up trying to conform them! Together, they make a collage of characters that paint the bigger picture of me as a whole.
Let's Meet The Gang
The idea to even attempt to explain this concept popped up when I was sitting outside mediating the other day. Meditating is HARD for me guys! Constant distractions that break my focus! It's easier for me to sit still if I can do it outside, which now that the weather is warming up, I can! Listening to natural earth sounds helps ground me. Um helloooo Virgo is an earth sign after all!
That's actually one of my characters, my Virgo. My Virgo sun, Sagittarius Moon, and Gemini Rising each represent a separate part of me. The sun is the ego, my conscious self. The moon, rules emotions, and the rising is the personality you project out to the world. Think of when you were meeting someone for the first time and the first impression they made. You were probably experiencing traits of their rising sign!
So my Virgo, who I've named Virginia, is the organized "I can handle anything so long as I have a list and stay organized" mom of the group. For some reason she has a southern accent...yeah I sometimes change dialects too.
The Virgin is the symbol for Virgo but has nothing to do with sexuality. In fact, "it ties to the sign's dedication to purity and service." Acts of service is a Virgo's love language. "How can I help?" "How can I fix?" "What do you need from me?"
While Virginia is a list maker, routine follower, perfectionist seeker, her 2 free spirited, spontaneous daughters Gemma, and Sage, are SO not about that life. Gemma, for my Gemini (curious/restless), and Sage, my Sagittarius (independent), both distract the fuck out of Virginia, sending her in all different directions. Bitch is just trying to keep herself grounded for the love of God!
It's a constant tug of war between head and heart for me. Logic and emotion. I'm always second-guessing or questioning my intuition. My thoughts. My wants. My actions.
Assigning names and character personas to these parts of me actually helped me notice when I'm projecting, or internalizing, parts of my personality. Take this website for example. Virginia wants to keep it organized, consistent, and running smoothly, to feel like she has some kind of control. Sage and Gemma want to explore, learn and talk about all the things that spark inspiration, to just have fun! I have to remind myself to listen to all 3.
My life's biggest lesson, to find balance. Still learning.
"It is with passion, courage of conviction, and strong sense of self that we take our next steps into the world."
That's right, Elle Woods. One of my main characters, whose confidence I crave! She didn't let anyone stand in her way of going to Harvard. Everyone doubted she could do it, but not only did she prove them all wrong, she excelled. See what I did there.
Elle invested in herself by following her curiosity. She got. shit. done. AND, did it with kindness and authenticity! THAT is the true inspiration. Vote for Elle!
Hello From the Other Side
And just as importantly, we have my shadow side. The side that means well, but can come off stubborn, selfish, maybe even a little bossy. Master manipulator of thoughts, need for control, and talk about judge-y! No, not Virginia. Meet Blair. As in Blair Waldorf. If you're not familiar with Gossip Girl, aka the "it" teen show of 2007 dramatizing the scandals of Manhattan's super elite, you won't be able to make the connection as easily. Blair was the queen b. Bitch that is. A "girl of extremes", as described by Gossip Girl creator Cecily von Ziegesar, she is "a comical overachiever who possesses both snobbish and sensitive sides". There's that Jekyll and Hyde of logic vs. emotion!
When I'm being hard on myself, trying to control a situation that's not going my way, or making assumptions that are only activating anxiety, it's Blair. I call her on her bullshit - which is really just me holding myself accountable but again, being able to think of a character in a scene that relates to the feeling that's coming up for me makes it easier to identify the behavior, make corrections if necessary, and do it all without shaming myself. I've done enough of that over the years, I'm done. This quirky tactic is how I switched that perspective.
Another thing that's helped me when Blair is trying to take over is I try very hard to talk to myself like I would my best friend! I shower my besties with love and support as much as possible, why should't I be doing the same for me?
Let me just say, that every feeling you have, no matter the intensity, is valid. Others might not understand, but they don't need to. Be your own validation.
Ok I'm wrapping this up, I swear. I save the best for last anyway!
My absolute favorite tv show in the entire universe, that I literally connect my entire life to without even intending to, is Friends. I used to fucking live for Thursdays at 8 pm for an entire decade! Now I can put the show on whenever I want, from any season, on any given episode and with my eyes closed could tell you what's happening, what they're wearing, and exactly what they're going to say before they even say it. Comfort show is an understatement. This show has gotten me through countless surgeries, bad days, and quiet weekends! It's my go to because I know it's a guaranteed laugh for me!
I guess you could say I know these characters inside and out. Now let's add in some astrology because duh, obviously I would. Learning more about each of the zodiac signs and their traits had me trying to figure out which signs I think the characters on the show would be. Then it clicked. There were three who stood out the most who were very, very similar to my Virgo, Sagittarius, and Gemini. Monica, Phoebe, and hello Chandla Bing!
Monica craves organization and likes her home to look a certain way. I could sit and watch people organize and decorate their homes all. damn. day. If I let myself I could go into serious debt shopping at HomeGoods. I try to make my home and environment as aesthetically pleasing as possible while still being highly functional. Everything has a place.
Then you have Phoebe. A free spirit who marches to the beat of her own drum; as I like to think I do. She has strong morals, an open mind, and is resilient as fuck while keeping a sunny disposition. I have been told, quite often, that I am a master at turning lemons into lemonade.
Last but not least, Chandler! Ohhhhhh Chandler. Has no idea what he wants, uses humor as a defense mechanism, is an only child; like I had never realized just how similar we are! Obviously had to assign him to equal my Gemini. His quick wit is, chefs kiss!
“You can only see in others what you see in yourself”
I see myself in all of these characters. I found the parts of them that were relatable to me, and not only did it make me appreciate them even more, but it helped me appreciate myself too.
Well, there ya have it, that's everyone! It's crowded, and loud, but never a dull moment!
I'm curious, who would your characters be? Drop a comment below!
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